Too anxious to create
For over a year I’ve had an itch, a desire at the back of my throat to make things. When I sit down and just start, the nagging thoughts fade away and I become immersed in the process. It’s enjoyable, it is what gives me total freedom, a healthy escape. And being consistently creative is what seems to coincide with “the upswing periods”1 in my life.
The only thing that has been stopping me is this cowardly voice in the back of my head. It quickly and almost totally fades away once I start, but in the moments of anticipation, before sit down and make, it’s the loudest.
My hope is that sharing my process in the shape of a blog can in some way help me overcome a part of this anxiety to create. It feels good to share, even if I’m writing to a hypothetical reader.
I don’t like using business-y words, but I can’t think of a better idiom in English that describes this feeling better. I know a better one in Ukrainian: (чорні та білі смуги) black and white stripes, meaning that everyone experiences bad times (periods of turmoil) and good times (periods of harmony). What matters is being able to recognise that each stripe, black or white, won’t last forever, meaning you should appreciate the good times, and shouldn’t fall into despair during a black stripe. ↩︎